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 Post Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:09 am 
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Feel free to comment.

Mostly curious for anything obviously wrong, game mechanics wise.

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     Post Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:36 am 
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    OneHugeTuck wrote:
    Feel free to comment.

    Mostly curious for anything obviously wrong, game mechanics wise.


    The biggest one I can spot is the fact that Ronjermy is supposed to have lost his purse. I have to point out that a Purse isn't a little bag full of coins tied to a Warlord's belt.

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     Post Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:22 pm 
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    Thanks.

    Now I'll scurry to make some edits down the line around that.

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     Post Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 3:50 pm 
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    OneHugeTuck wrote:
    Feel free to comment.

    Mostly curious for anything obviously wrong, game mechanics wise.


    This is turning into an incredibly interesting story. The one flaw in the story kinda made me waver a bit, but as the chapters were released, I found myself enjoying the adventure of Ronjermy more and more. ( :lol: nice name, btw)

    That one flaw is this: since Ron was outside the city walls, he should have disbanded upon the death of Reaptor. (Annie too, for that matter...)

    Spoiler: show
    The only "out" is for there to be a surviving heir out in the field. In which case, yes, Ronjermy would become barbarian. If so, I imagine this will have to come into play, storywise.


    Keep up the good work. Your story has enough humor, suspense, action and energy to really turn into an enjoyably gripping tale.

    Drifter

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     Post Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 10:33 am 
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    Really like the comic so far!
    when is the next update?

    -I love the name of honour more than I fear the name of death-
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     Post Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 7:51 pm 
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    Ronjermy an his sword Mjighty... now that is truly Titanic material. Cheers to you, mighty wordsmith. ;)

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     Post Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 9:07 pm 
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    Ok, well, what with level 1 cities producing X and level 2's producing warlords, I wonder how I'm going to avoid rewriting 23 pages worth of content/updates...

    Time to get clever, I guess.

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     Post Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 10:28 pm 
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    I suggest claiming it was a typo.

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     Post Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 5:30 pm 
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    I dont know about doing 23 pages worth only two updates need a change. The rest seem fine.

    Also warlord pop at one but thats just a nit pick having them be not plain men is a great choice.

    But apart from that it's a great story and id love to read more.

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:45 am 
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    jabbersocky wrote:
    I dont know about doing 23 pages worth only two updates need a change. The rest seem fine.

    Also warlord pop at one but thats just a nit pick having them be not plain men is a great choice.

    But apart from that it's a great story and id love to read more.


    The update just said warlords pop at level 2....

    TUrns out it's an easy enough fix for what I have written.

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 1:00 am 
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    OneHugeTuck wrote:
    jabbersocky wrote:
    I dont know about doing 23 pages worth only two updates need a change. The rest seem fine.

    Also warlord pop at one but thats just a nit pick having them be not plain men is a great choice.

    But apart from that it's a great story and id love to read more.


    The update just said warlords pop at level 2....

    TUrns out it's an easy enough fix for what I have written.


    That means that warlords can only be popped in Level 2 cities, not that the warlords are level 2 when they pop.

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 5:05 pm 
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    Ahh, I see what you meant.

    A. We don't know warlords can ONLY pop at level 1.

    B. In my little world, with a little help from the proper casters, it seems that higher level popping is possible, at least when a side first begins.

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:43 pm 
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    Thaats fair enough. oh an nice update.

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     Post Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:29 am 
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    Incredible story. Seems to be a ton of speculation on the nature of some casters, I'm just afraid that at some point Rob will be forced to shoot down your theories and you'll have a lot of rewriting to do.

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     Post Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 3:19 pm 
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    Sinrus wrote:
    Incredible story. Seems to be a ton of speculation on the nature of some casters, I'm just afraid that at some point Rob will be forced to shoot down your theories and you'll have a lot of rewriting to do.



    Let's just call it pre-canon speculative fiction....:)

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     Post Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:34 pm 
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    It really is incredible, and inspired me to start my own fan-fiction: http://www.erfworld.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=921

    *Please note the shameless self-advertising*

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:11 pm 
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    Sinrus wrote:
    It really is incredible, and inspired me to start my own fan-fiction: http://www.erfworld.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=921

    *Please note the shameless self-advertising*



    The toughest part is keeping out the monty haul, everything comes easily element out of the story. Still, it's more abou getting it out of my head....

    Have fun writing:)

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 5:33 pm 
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    Monty haul?

    And wait a second, is the Misty hole above water or land? It seemed like you were saying water, but then how did the castle extend the tunnel? And a stack of warlords? Seems like tempting fate a bit.

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:52 pm 
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    Sinrus wrote:
    Monty haul?

    And wait a second, is the Misty hole above water or land? It seemed like you were saying water, but then how did the castle extend the tunnel? And a stack of warlords? Seems like tempting fate a bit.


    Monty Haul, D&D term for a campaign with lots of easily obtained high powered magical items. Ya know, 2nd level fighter with a +5 sword. I mean it in the sense of making Ronjermy ans his side easily overpowered. Been deleting stuff for -some- amount of balance.


    Misty Hole, a big tunnel the sea empties out of, a portion of which is above water, such that fliers could make it in and out.

    Castle construction , up against the cavern wall, such that it extends the tunnel. Missing the appropriate architectual descriptive terms. Possibly imagine it like the sea now empties into the city.

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     Post Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 11:42 pm 
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    OneHugeTuck wrote:
    The toughest part is keeping out the monty haul, everything comes easily element out of the story. Still, it's more abou getting it out of my head....


    Are you of the impression that you haven't gone "full monty" in the story? You've given the side 6 casters (Jetstone only has 4), a massive pile of money, a host of warlords, and four completely unassailable cities. Korse is basically playing with the Efr equivalent of cheat codes.

    No offense intended but, to extend the D&D metaphor, what you have here is a DMPC. The guy in charge has decided to make the coolest, bestest, strongest, most awesomest side in all of Erfworld.

    In order for it to be a compelling story, you need to have conflict and risk, but the way you've created the setting, neither of those things are present. Which makes the story a little boring. It was good up until he found crown because there was a bit of tension- a fight of one sort or the other- but all that's gone now.

    Maybe you're going to work some back into the story, but you should try to do it soon. Again, not trying to be a jerk here, but you did ask for comments.

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