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 Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
 Post Posted: Sun May 20, 2018 7:37 pm 
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A weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "Wow! In all my years tending bar, I've never had a weasel stop by. What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.


That one was so bad, I had to laugh. ;)

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Mon May 21, 2018 12:31 am 
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    I dare you to get this song out of your head :twisted:

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Mon May 21, 2018 7:55 am 
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    I just spent a large part of my tax returns on a new water heater. thank goodness code required a drain pan sitting under the old one!

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Mon May 21, 2018 6:05 pm 
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    I'm sure everyone has heard of a potato computer, complete with running on PotatOS, but did you know that there were alternatives that were researched?

    There was the short-lived pastry computer as well. While it would run longer on internal power, it had troubles with processing power, only able to produce a single calculation per second while running on its Hertz Donut. It also had insulation troubles which led to a number of incidents in which the user would be shocked, resulting in a painful but relatively harmless encounter.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 10:29 am 
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    ShneekeyTheLost wrote:
    Breakfast.com halted - Cereal port not found.

    ERROR 420?

    Image

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 12:29 pm 
    This user was a Tool before it was cool This user is a Tool! Has collected at least one unit Erfworld Bicycle® Playing Cards supporter Won Mine4erf for the Gobwins Mined 4 Erf
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    Website: http://www.drakestail.com
    Location: Ottawa, ON
    If you want entertainment but want to give your eyes a rest, the podcast Welcome to Night Vale is pretty entertaining! http://www.welcometonightvale.com/

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 5:24 pm 
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    enigmaticfox wrote:
    If you need a giggle, ZeFrank recently ended his YouTube hiatus and started posting in his True Facts nature series again! I think my absolute favorite is the "True Facts: Frog Fish" video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRP4nAGMYCY

    His channel has a whole playlist of them, plus other fun things. Fair warning -- some of the true facts about animals can be a little gross.

    ZeFrank and his internet experiments go WAY back, and they're worth checking out on his site too (though I don't think it's been updated in a long while now):

    http://www.zefrank.com/

    Hope this brings someone a smile! :)


    In particular watch Sad Cat Diary and Sad Dog Diary. Don't worry they aren't sad at all.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 9:27 pm 
    This user is a Tool! IRC Quote of the Moment Here for the 10th Anniversary Has collected at least one unit Erfworld Bicycle® Playing Cards supporter Mined 4 Erf Won Mine4erf for the Gobwins Won Mine4erf for the Marbits
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    Hi Linda (and/or Rob), if you have the time, some information about general likes and dislikes concerning your sense of humor might be helpful. In case you like dark(ish) humor here goes:

    Attachment:
    43.png
    43.png [ 28.11 KiB | Viewed 465 times ]

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    Yet Another Self Insert Fan Fiction
    The Fan fiction which made mine possible by TomaO2:
    The Imperfect Warlord

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Fri May 25, 2018 3:10 am 
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    I can't help myself...


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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Sun May 27, 2018 12:04 am 
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    E is for Erfworld Supporter Year of the Dwagon Supporter Print Book 2 & Draw Book 3 Supporter This user is a Tool! Pin-up Calendar and New Art Team Supporter Mined 4 Erf Has collected at least one unit Won Mine4erf for the Gobwins Won Mine4erf for the Marbits For when you need it most
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    My actual thought: If Linda hasn't seen "So I Married an Axe Murderer", she should.
    If she has, might be worth seeing again. Mike Myers near his peak before he....sort of lost his way.
    I'll gladly find a way to get a new copy to y'all on DVD (I think it's still not available on BluRay the last time I checked.)

    My other, possibly funny or possibly sad thoughts:

    1. Sort of a riff off of Merilynne's post, although possibly objectionable:
    A Sailor with a wooden eye went to a dance. at the dance there also a woman with a peg leg. With both of them being disabled no one wanted to dance with them. Knowing that only the peg-legged woman had low enough standards to dance with him the wood-eyed sailor asked her, "Would you like to dance?" Overwhelmed the woman exclaimed, "Would I! Would I!" The sailor replied, "PEG LEG!!!!PEG LEG!!!"
    (Credit for the write-up of this bad joke: http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CBNWM&Funny_Jokes=Would_I )

    2. For those of us of a Certain Age, there was a pen-and-paper RPG called Metamorphosis Alpha. In that game it was completely believable to be playing a mutant who physically was mostly a bear but had human appendages. It's in that world that I first heard this doggy-shag story:
    Chan was the village craftsman, making small statues out of teak to sell to the tourists. One morning he entered his shop to find the side window open, and several statues missing. On the ground outside the window were the footprints of a small child. This was confusing.With cooperation from the village police, he dug a large pit outside the window and covered it with straw, intending to trap the thief should he return.The next night, he remained awake, and in the early morning hours he heard the window open, then a large crash and thud. Alerting the local policeman, they went to look in the pit. They were amazed at what they saw. It was a black bear, with human looking feet, clutching several statues.Exclaimed the craftsman, "Ah, boy-foot bear with teaks of Chan!"

    [For those not aware of John Greenleaf Whittier's original, I give you this.]

    3. When I went looking for a source for #2 I found all sorts of other shaggy-dog stories. Here's another one from this thread:

    A frog outgrew his lily pad and decided to make some home improvements. He didn't have the money, so he hopped to the bank for a loan. At the bank, he took a seat at loan officer Patricia Black's desk and explained his dilemma. "I want to upgrade my lily pad, maybe add another window, but I don't have the cash. Can you lend me the money?" "Maybe," she said. "What can you offer as collateral?" "Well," said the frog. "All I have is this paperweight. You shake it up, and it snows on the little village. Cute, huh?" "Hmm . . . I'll have to speak to my manager." She enters her manager's office.
    "Mr. Bitterby, I've got a frog at my desk who wants to borrow money for lily pad improvements. But all he can offer for collateral is this glass paperweight." Mr. Bitterby took the paperweight, looked it over, and said, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan."

    4. From another thread that I found while looking for the write-up on #2, possibly also objectionable due to antiquated language:
    Once upon a time, there were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.

    Linda, as always you deserve the best and we hope the best for you.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Sun May 27, 2018 12:19 am 
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    ripple wrote:
    A frog outgrew his lily pad and decided to make some home improvements. He didn't have the money, so he hopped to the bank for a loan. At the bank, he took a seat at loan officer Patricia Black's desk and explained his dilemma. "I want to upgrade my lily pad, maybe add another window, but I don't have the cash. Can you lend me the money?" "Maybe," she said. "What can you offer as collateral?" "Well," said the frog. "All I have is this paperweight. You shake it up, and it snows on the little village. Cute, huh?" "Hmm . . . I'll have to speak to my manager." She enters her manager's office.
    "Mr. Bitterby, I've got a frog at my desk who wants to borrow money for lily pad improvements. But all he can offer for collateral is this glass paperweight." Mr. Bitterby took the paperweight, looked it over, and said, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan."


    That one's a favourite, but the version I like has the frog somehow being Mick Jagger's son, and the punchline is, "It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

    If that kind of thing's to your taste, I suggest https://www.reddit.com/r/feghoot/

    Here's one of mine:

    Quote:
    As part of an effort to rehabilitate prisoners instead of just punishing them, one prison decided to build a library.

    Unfortunately, all of the space at ground level was already taken, and it would be impossible to move the cells to make enough space, so they came to the decision to add a new floor to the main prison complex, and have the library there.

    They solicited in the community for donations, and the community responded with a surprising show of support. Hundreds of books of every sort were donated - fiction, old magazines, instructional guides, textbooks, and more. Just about everything short of poetry ended up on the shelves of the library.

    At last, construction complete, shelves stocked, and everything looking splendid in the new library, they decided to hold a big ceremony, with all of the prisoners in attendance, and the warden cutting the ribbon.

    However, just before the ribbon was cut, the weight of all of the books, added to the weight of all of the prisoners, turned out to be more than what the architects had planned for the structure to support. With a shrieking groan, the floor of the library collapsed, injuring many prisoners and destroying not a few books.

    It just goes to show that before undertaking such a project,
    Spoiler: show
    you should really weigh all of the prose and cons.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Sun May 27, 2018 9:51 pm 
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    In FORTRAN programming language, there are certain conventions which are known to be... quirky... by those familiar with its usage. The seven blank spaces before the lines of code, for example, are a holdover from the punchcard days and are reserved for specific actions (such as carrying over from a previous line, line numbering for GOTO statements, and the like), but one of the most interesting involves variable definitions.

    Now, any programmer worthy of his name defines all variables he is going to use at the beginning of the program. That is to say, he says if a variable is going to be an integer, a real number, or text. However, FORTRAN had a contingency if you were naughty and did not define your variables, because undefined variables would cause the compiler to crash in a most glorious and magnificent manner and your entire mainframe (because remember... punch card days...) would be down for hours at a minimum, pissing off students and faculty alike.

    So, if you were silly enough to not declare a variable, then the 'default' settings were as follows: If the variable name started with a letter from I to N, then it was an integer, otherwise it was a real number.

    This, of course, proves that God is real... unless declared integer.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 11:02 pm 
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    My family and I encountered this at a parking space in front of the new Chipotle in our neighborhood. ‘Nuff said. :D
    Image

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Wed May 30, 2018 11:37 pm 
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    I tend to find enjoyment and amusement in things of a more... technical grounding. "Why buildings fall down" is a book I find fascinating.

    However, along the more... comedic takes on serious subjects:
    https://smile.amazon.com/Ignition-Infor ... B076838QS2
    I've read a pdf of this. It's been out of print for a while and dog-earred paperback copies go for upwards of $500. Now, it's available again, even in ebook and audiobook. I felt the need to buy it.
    He talks about testing fuels which when mixed have no measurable ignition delay. Oxidizers that burn asbestos. Stuff so nasty to work with that major chemical companies turned people down during WW2 and the early cold war.
    As an aside, when I had some significant 'wait for this, wait for that' times when dealing with medical stuff, though not my own medical stuff, I found getting an audible subscription well worth it. Just listen to the books.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Thu May 31, 2018 5:57 am 
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    You know, going up into a stable orbit is quite tricky. It's not just about getting up there, although going up to around 100 Km isn't exactly easy, it is at least pretty straightforward. Stick enough rocket under your thing until your thrust to weight ratio and burn times get you to where you are trying to go.

    No, the trick is lateral velocity. Because you have to be going sideways at a pretty good clip to get into orbit. You see, gravity still affects you, even in Low Earth Orbit. In fact, you still have roughly 98% of the same force of gravity trying to pull you back down to earth at that height as you would from standing at sea level. So to counteract that, you have to be going around faster than you go down. Up in orbit, in a proper and stable orbit, it isn't that you have no gravity, it is that you are constantly in a state of free-fall, but because the Earth is a sphere, you are going sideways fast enough that the downward force bends the vector line into a concentric circle.

    In other words: Orbit is attained when you fall to the ground... and miss.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 1:20 pm 
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    Attachment:
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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 2:10 pm 
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    Print Book 2 & Draw Book 3 Supporter This user was a Tool before it was cool Pin-up Calendar and New Art Team Supporter Here for the 10th Anniversary Has collected at least one unit This user is a Tool! Erfworld Bicycle® Playing Cards supporter Mined 4 Erf Won Mine4erf for the Marbits
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    Merilynne wrote:
    Spoiler: show
    Attachment:
    stupid joke.png

    Tipped for finding a pun bad enough to make me groan in disgust/appreciation.

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 10:01 pm 
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    Nimelennar wrote:
    Merilynne wrote:
    Spoiler: show
    Attachment:
    stupid joke.png

    Tipped for finding a pun bad enough to make me groan in disgust/appreciation.


    /me curtsies.

    As Mal says, "I aim to misbehave." ;)

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2018 4:48 am 
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    A fellow from New York had an interest in doing nature hikes, but had never before actually done anything. Being a banker, he didn't really have the best physique around, waging an unsuccessful war against Management Gut and a minor case of asthma which caused him to go out of breath at the slightest exertion. Still, it was always his dream to go exploring the wilderness.

    Finally, after many years, he had his opportunity. His bank had given him almost a full month of vacation, and he had won an all-expense paid trip to Australia. His wife had her misgivings, but they managed to find a reputable guide company.

    Upon arrival, he was the very image of the American Tourist, complete with loud Hawaiian shirt, clashing Bermuda shorts, and obnoxious personality.

    Constantly laughing at Australian dialect and terminology, one would have figured the guide to have been one of the most miserable in existence. However, their guide, ever the professional, found it endearing, rather like seeing a parrot who had been taught an excess of profanity, and took it all in with a smile, and carefully guiding his greenhorn client through the occasionally dangerous Australian wilds. This all came to a head one evening when they had began to set up camp near a river, and the discussion of the aborigine camp they had visited previously.

    "So, what were those silly things they were blowing into?"

    "Oh, yea... that's a digerydoo. Been usin' 'em for thousands of years, best we can figure."

    "Digerydoo... man, I tell ya, youse guys got the strangest words for everything. Say, you got some funny word for fallen logs like that one out there?" the bellicose fellow asked his guide. "Whatcha call it, a whackawood or somethin'?"

    "Fallen log? Where abouts?" the guide asked, suddenly keenly interested, head swiveling to scan the water.

    "Right there, in the current floating over this way..." the tourist points, and the guide slowly stands up, with a slight smile to his face.

    "Krikey!" the guide exclaims, causing the tourist to laugh again

    "You mean youse guys actually say that? I thought it was just some hollywood thing."

    "Oh, yea, from time to time, when it's appropriate. By the way, good eye spottin' that. I'd call that fellah a billabong king."

    "Wait.. you call a log a billabong king?" His laughter erupts again, and the guide gently taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, and says in a low tone.

    "That's no log, mate. That's a salty... saltwater croc to you. An' if he's less than five meters, I'll eat my hat. So if you wouldn't mind, kindly back up slowly to the jeep an' get in. I did promise the missus to get you back in one piece, be a shame to go back on me word."

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     Post subject: Re: Stuff to amuse Linda
     Post Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2018 6:51 am 
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    I spent a few more schmuckers than I originally wanted to, to put a trunk on my motorcycle. Now it's a little thing, well known as a 'good starter bike', which is appropriate, since I just got my 2 wheel license 2 years ago, and as you can see, I have a tendency for run-on sentences, like this one, though that seems to have drifted off track....

    At first glance the trunk looks kinda big for the bike, but you get used to it, and I'm so glad to have it now. I can lock my helmet in it instead of carrying the bludgeoner through the stores, not have to wear a backpack anymore when I ride to work, and it has proven to keep my stuff dry if I get caught in the rain.
    Up next is more lights, since a bike is meant to be seen and not hit!

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