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 Post subject: Poor Wrigley
 Post Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:49 am 
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Location: Scotland, UK (The other other Magic Kingdom)
...I was inspired by the Stabber's Prayer.. also, it's very early, I have almost no idea what I'm doing, however, for your amusement and my embarrassment, I present to you... "Poor Wrigley..."..


Poor Wrigley was a Spearman, He came from Unaroyal,
At Warchalking he met his end, Returned back to the soil.
Saw Wanda with her army, Their smiles and swords were broad,
And as the shackles landed, They all thought "Oh my god.."

They took his spear and knelt him down, The threat of death was near,
And though they all were sure to die, Poor Wrigley felt no fear.
His trusty old companion, Had been there when he popped,
He thought now of his spear no more... Poor Wrigley's heart had stopped.

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     Post subject: Re: Poor Wrigley
     Post Posted: Mon Oct 19, 2009 9:59 am 
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    Supposable he was decrypted afterwards ... not "Returned back to the soil".

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     Post subject: Re: Poor Wrigley
     Post Posted: Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:31 pm 
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    Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2009 11:02 pm
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    I enjoyed it until you ruined it, for shame, for shame Paulo.

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     Post subject: Re: Poor Wrigley
     Post Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 12:48 am 
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    Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:10 pm
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    Location: Albuquerque, NM
    Great poem, i would have gone with four verses in ballad meter rather than the two verses you have, but the construction and the subject matter is really good. It also has enough irregularity in the rhythm to keep from being monotonous, but not enough to detract the poem.

    As far as Paŭlo's dead/decrypted issue, what about this change
    KiltedNinja wrote:
    At Warchalking he met his end, his life spilled on the soil.

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     Post subject: Re: Poor Wrigley
     Post Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:37 am 
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    Location: Scotland, UK (The other other Magic Kingdom)
    ...wow :P Wasn't expecting any responses to this.. and recieved a nice bit of appreciation :D

    I like randomly making up little poems and "mini-songs" (that's my technical term) - And the way that Wrigley's story was told was quite emotional, and that's usually when I write poems.. Usually I don't generally think too hard about what I'm writing, it just sort of spills out.. and yes Carisbourg, the change you suggested would work quite well. I never thought too far ahead though.. you know, incorporating things like uncroaking/decryption etc. I just thought "Aw man :/ Poor Wrigley" and the words appeared.

    Nice to know that at least a couple of people liked it anyway :D

    Edit :
    This may or may not ruin it.. however, if you've ever seen Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny ; At the start when young Jack is sitting on his bed and singing to the poster of Dio - well, the way he's singing that bit, is kinda how the poem sounds.. *shrug* - it's the way my mind works sometimes :P

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