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 Post Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 3:52 am 
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So, this is where you put the discussion of my fanfic.

Just a minor note to start things off:

I'm a college student without much free time on my hands, so please bear with me if I only post a single update a week, and/or if those updates are short.

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     Post Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 4:02 am 
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    Well you're off to a good start. You captured my interest with a single paragraph.

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     Post Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:26 am 
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    Small problem, the Ibyssnian troops shouldn't be able to give chase, since its not their turn. If it is their turn and I'm just reading wrong, then the doombats shouldn't be able to flee.

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     Post Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 12:42 pm 
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    Fix'd.

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     Post Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 11:39 pm 
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    needs more paragraph divisions. Though your story is worth the read, it was something of a strain of my eyes to see such a substantial block of text. Remember, you can divide paragraphs at 'new ideas', conversations and separate points of view. I.e. from the doombat fighting to the commander would be a good division.

    Remember, the more you write, the more skill you attain. And reading (professional works, not fan fiction so much) will help you develop your writing style further.

    for example, read something like The Road (or No Country for Old Men) then read something by Ted Drekker, then read Redwall by Brian Jacques. You'd be surprised by the sheer differences in writing styles. I learned a great deal about paragraph division and conversation style from reading The Road (before the movie came out)

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